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4/12 Gas prices drop to record low $83/gallon average
4/13 VIDEO: I took Gleek Party senator Mr. Gleek into deep 2nd Party country. Can he win them over?
Baby found with fingers protruding from foot
April 13
In a rare birth defect, known as Tomm’s disease, or To’s for short, a baby has been born with finger like appendages protruding from her foot. Her shoes may have to be custom made when she learns how to walk; how would they ever fit?
THE LEMON REVIEWS:
Avengers: Doomsday (1,582,192)
This film was SUPPOSED to release around 2027. I know, that long ago! I wasn’t even alive back then! (No surprise) But no, they HAD to cast EVERY single human on Earth (at the time) into it, taking this long to film, and making it over 10,000 years long. I had to speed it up A LOT to watch it all. Each person got one minute of screen time. I think a good 500,000,000-1,000,000,000 of them were pretty uninteresting. I’d rate it a 4/10. Disappointed. They had 1,580,167 years to film, and it was this boring.
Gergor Nomnon Wins 80st Olympic Medal
April 14th
Of course you have heard of Gergor Nomnon, the Olympic phenom, after his 10nd gold medal year in 1,523,542. He has been training since he was -4 years old, never leaving his TV, as his mom told us. In the recent Olympics, this time hosted on The Moon, Gergor played on his phone all day, winning 1st place for the 80st time, making him the 34rd most decorated Olympian since 1,456,954 from Neptune with frequent visits to Saturn.
Modern Generations using too much slang
April 15th
chat, be so fr rn but the newest generation, gen omega, is like lowkenuinely fr always use too much slang and improper untuff words 😭😭😭. like uhh you is not auramaxxing vro. in addition they use uncorrect spellin’ and rong punctuation n’ gramer like 6-7 times a day. this is a certified anti-unc status moment #fax 💯💯💯💯 u better stop using ts sonion ✌️
Astronauts find loading screen at edge of universe
April 15th
Using superliminal travel technology, astronauts have travelled to the edge of the universe. However, at the edge, they wound up finding a loading screen. “It may take a while to load,” one astronaut said, “It’s been at 75% for a couple of hours now. It does say I can watch a short ad to speed it up, however, but I don’t really feel like it.”
PSA: Stop polluting the moon!
April 16th
Do not leave your trash on the moon! It harms the ecosystem!
Casting for Forthward to the Past III revealed
April 16th
After Forthward to the Past II made over 85 duodecillion dollars in the box office last month, Evil Destruction Company’s child company, Morally Ambiguous Films have already began casting for the next film. Since the AI actor for the main character has been pushed into a lake and exploded, it will be replaced by a different, more expensive AI. Many have critiqued this casting, as some say there needs to be more humans in films, I have been paid to say that they are wrong.
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