13/4/26
Anti-AI advocates agree that launching AI CEOs into space without spacesuits along with all of their children not over-reaction and not too far.
13/4/26
Trump posts AI generated picture of himself with shirt that says “POLICE” on it and wearing a police hat, says “it’s supposed to be me as a firefighter”
14/4/26
Fireworks heard across Wyoming with first time state mentioned outside of memorizing capitals since 1846
14/4/26
Today would be Timothy Crunglump’s 200th birthday
Today; April 14th, 2026, would be the famed inventor, Timothy Crunglump’s 200th birthday, 200 years since his birth (hence the name) in 1826. Crunglump is primarily known for his namesake invention, the Octopodian Crunglumpifier. In addition, he also died on this day, at a mere 58, in 1884. His last words were, “Promise me that nobody will ever forget my invention.”
15/4/26
Trump has 0.5 braincells!
Trump has no more braincells! A few weeks ago, a reporter talked about when Trump went bald! Today, we talked to him and he said “I’m not bald, it’s a wig.” Sure buddy! We totally believe you {word}. He also stated “I have 0.5 braincells so I still have one.” Anyways, more updates soon
Transcriber’s note: {word} marks word I can’t read
New Study Shows Long Titles of Articles Make Readers Lose Interest Quickly and Sometimes Even Before They Read the Article Itself. Scientist Tyrone Tickleberrybeinerweeld-Squeeblington III Conducted a Study to Prove This as a Fact but is in Need of a Group of People So He Can Get Scientific Evidence Since It Can't Be Proven Without At Least 100 People Taking Part In a Test and He Wants His Proof To Be Published In Books. With His Information Leaked, However, He Can't Do This Without People Who Don't Speak English So He Can Be Sure They Don't Know What The Study Is About, But He Doesn't Know Any Other Languages So That is Out of the Question. Since No Newspapers Agreed To Partner With Him, His Evidence Will Never Be Proven For At Least Another Fifty Years With a Younger Generation.
15/4/26
What the title said.
Supreme Court does not overrule knocking down part of White House
16/4/26
Back in early October, president Donald Trump announced he would knock down part of the White House to build a ball room. Later that same week, as we covered, that same week, he ordered construction of a food court aswell. Whilst the Supreme Court said that Trump couldn’t have this ball room done, they did not object to the food court because, as one of the judges put, “I could go for a quick bite around here…”
The Israel-Lebanon Ceasefire
16/4/26
The ceasefire between Israel and Lebanon has caused many people’s lives to last just that extra day longer. While it’s good effects are plenty, this also brought something new to light. The majority of Americans who read articles about this are only now learning that Israel and Lebanon were at war in the first place.