Week 16

2027 delayed to next year, public furious

February 11th

THE REACTIONS
“I don’t have that kind of time to wait around, I’m a busy person. They think they can just drag this on and we wont say anything. You and I know that if they wanted next year to be here tomorrow, they could do it.”- Dooderonimy Simmons, 44, from Des Moines, Iowa

“The Calendar people are totally corrupt. Something happens next year and they’re trying to hide it because it’ll make them look bad and make the higher ups lose sales. 2027 was supposed start in the summer, but now we have to wait 5-odd extra months”- Debbie Smackdown, 26, from New York, New Jersey

“I’m gonna tell you something you probably don’t know. Next year has already begun. It’s simple arithmetic, it’s already 2027, just write it out. Just do the math get a piece of paper, and do it. You’ll see”- Ygloroth Jones, from Banana, Kiribati

Trump says he’ll only accept midterm results if he wins

February 11th

“When they do the poll for the midterm election, it will be a total disaster, in many ways. The election people had the audacity to not put me on the list of candidates. And because of that, and because everybody likes me, and because of that, in many ways, I have to win. They will check the box for my name that isn’t there, all the people, and I will receive a letter that says I won, and I am now part of the congress. If that does’t happen, I will know for sure that the democrats were cheating.”- Donald Trump

Congress may  combine all names of government agencies into one “Super Acronym”

February 12th

If the proposed “One Big Beuatiful Acronym” bill passes in Congress, all government agency names will be combined into the FBICIAAEAAICEPDOGETIITHT (Federal Buereau of Investigation of Central Intelligence Agencies Across Europe And Africa and their Immigrations and Customs Enforcement Policies and Departments Of Government Efficiency, That Is, If They Have Those). However, many Senators and Representatives say they will not approve this because the acronym is too short, indicating favor of the bill that will make an even longer acronym, FBICIAAEAAICEPDOGETTIHTTJRJDJBSFVOTTFFSSENTWLATTANOPMBCPINQSIIECWTAWIAASTIWCWTABINSWIWSFLOLROFLYNYWNSNSSHWATO. Said bill will be known as “The Better One Big Beuatiful Acronym.” Nancy Peloski, who wrote “The Better One Big Beuatiful Acronym” says she does not even know herself what it stands for, and that she is “only trying to one up republicans.”

Studies show people more likely to think about what something means when in butchered Toki Pona

February 13th

nasin sona jan mute tan nasin ma apato junipasiti toki jan mute isipin lipu wile, toki toki pona la. mi nasa, ona lukin wile ni la.  mi ala sitelen suli, “mi nasa, ona lukin wile ni la” la. a a! sina tawa nimi.li, sina wile lukin mute la. sina ike nasa jan, wile ala tawa lukin mute. sina isipin “toki pona” wile toki (kalama nimi) en pona (ala ike) seme? mi wile, a a. mi toki ale konwe sitelen lon toki pona. soweli, kala, waso, wasoweli, mani, akesi, kijetesantakalu.