Week 11

January 5th

A few weeks ago, The Being, a red-purple biomass began consuming the white house, and inevitably ate Trump Alive. Today, he has escaped , by slicing the stomach (???) of The Being open. An escape helicopter rushed to the scene to rescue him.

January 6th

Donald Trump said that The United States is not at war with Venezuela. “In many ways, we are not at war with Venezuela, as that would require congressional approval. It is just a tank discussion. It’s different.”

January 6th

Many people do not realise that Donald Trump is showing early signs of dementia. In fact, Trump was playing minecraft when he was caught not remembering how to use a Redstone Repeater. He tried using it to stop a redstone signal, and struggled for much longer before giving up.

January 7th

Donald Trump, without congressional approval, has declared war on Bertolli Olive Oil. However, despite controversy, he has clarified that “This war against Bertolli has nothing to do with oil. The olive oil company has no access to oil we would be interested in, in many ways.”

January 8th

After ICE received  great criticism for killing an innocent civillain, ICE’s director, Todd Lyons, has finally caved in. “Just because we did it,” Lyons said. “doesn’t mean we’re guilty. If someone else had done it, they would be guilty, but trust me, Velmorth the Destr- I mean, ICE can do no harm.”

January 9th

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