12th

Palaeontologists in Massachusets have discovered a rare fossil of a unique species of dinosaur. One researcher is quoted as saying “This species, Macrochelonus (“Long Turtle”) marks a brand new not only Genus, but also Family and even Order of dinosaurs.” “We are especially excited at how well preserved the feet are, as you can see, and have inferred that the creature had blue skin. We have also inferred that the Macrochelonus likely crawled around on all fours like how Postosuchus was previously speculated, given it’s long arms and and round head.” Video soon on Youtube @TheDailyLemonOfficial*

*Video is out now

13th

A new platform called Hrdꟼass, launched this week, billing itself as the first anti-social-media-social-media network, dedicating itself to criticizng itself and other social media platforms and the people who use them. It advertises it’s feature of having no “Like”, “Love”, or “Favorite” buttons on posts, but rather “Dislike”, “Hate”, and “Least Favorite”

14th

FOX news is world renowned for being a reliable source of unreliable news, but, recently, multiple reliable sources (including The Onion) observed the faux news inadvertently broadcasting an actual factual news story. Said story involved the lack of parking spaces in Washington D.C. Most viewers may have missed the story as it was sandwiched between their customary misinformation. Many frequent FOX enjoyers are severely disappointed at their recent lack of unreilability.

14th

(Pictured: Michigan at night)

Michigan, not unlike the electricity and internet limitations recently passed by other states, has passed a law limiting the entire state’s electricity usage to 8 watts an hour. Said 8 watts are all used to power a flickering lightbulb in the governor’s refrigerator. The state has also strategically sent Vanta-Black satellites strategically places around the Sun and Moon to completely prevent any of their light from getting to the state. This makes the city virtually void of light during both night and day.

15th

After the race began in 1989, the world-famous 8-meter slide, a race between four rocks, Big Grey, What Color is This Would You Call That More of a Blue or a Grey, The Slightly Smaller One, and Orange-brown Rock Picked up from The Park, it has finally ended, with Orange-brown Rock Picked up from The Park taking the crown. Some in the rock-racing community have accused Orange-brown Rock Picked up from The Park of using performance enhancing drugs, but no sufficient proof exists.

16th

The Russo Brothers, directors of Marvel’s Avengers: Doomsday, have confirmed that every single person on Earth will be featured in the film. They have stated that each person will get one minute of screen time, make the new expected total run time to be 15,532 years and change. The Russo’s have said “Please check your email today with details of your role. It is mandatory to participate”. Additionally, the release date, which was originally December of 2026, has been delayed to April 14th, 1,582,192CE.