Decmber 8th

The city of Bridgeport, in Connecticut has elected a new mayor. The new mayor is Jim, no last name, who is a pile of bricks with googly eyes. Despite Jim having no political experience, Jim won an astonishing 96.4% of the votes in the election. When Jim was interviewed, he said nothing, because bricks can’t talk. Scientists are working on a device to read the thoughts of Jim so he can communicate, but all efforts so far have failed.

December 9th

Donald Trump, president of the United States, declared war on every country on earth except for The United States and Timor Leste last week. Earlier today, he surrendered with global forces overpowering America. He said, “I surrender to all the other countries, on many ways, I’ll tell ya’, he’s real good friend of mine”. Less earlier today, he denied surrendering and said “In so many ways, we are still at war. Nobody is at war as much as I am. I make the best wars of anybody, in many ways.”

Decmber 11th

Studies conducted             Somebody reads stuff          Release than if the                   While no clear reason

By scientists in France      In Haiku form they get a    Writing was in the standard   Has been found, there is next-level

Have proven that when   Larger dopamine                   Form of writing things.           Proof that favors it.

December 10th

As we near Christmas, a glaring issue within the community of gingerbread men and women arises. Despite the growing population of gingerbread-folk, with a 8% increase from last year, the amount of housing for them has dropped, with 32% less houses being built per year than last year. Many gingerbread-folk struggle to find housing in these dire times. To put it into perspective, there are about 56,000,000 gingerbread-folk on earth, but only about 7,000,000 gingerbread houses, making it so that if every gingerbread person was housed, there would be eight people a house. It has been said that the shortage is caused by the rich and powerful gummy-bear hoarders who purchase houses at high prices (with some reports saying for up to 120 gummy bears), increasing the average price.

December 11th

Donald Trump, president of the United States has said that the Democratic Party is propagating the idea that he is the president of the United States despite his belief that he is your average Joe. He has said, “It’s ridiculous. Why on earth would I be president? Everyone know the president of the United States is Ronald Reagan, who is a humanoid lizard. It’s not a good look for you, democrats, in many ways.”

December 12th

Donald Trump, president of the United States has made a statement sparking some controversy.

He has said that Joe Biden, a former president is on Santa’s naughty-list. “Sleepy Joe is on Santa’s naughty list and will not get any presents, only coal for Christmas. He’s been a very, very, very, naughty boy and I have been the greatest boy, isn’t that right mom?”